Other day I woke up completely hungover and deciding drinking for the whole day was a good idea. In some respects it was, when I'm drunk in public I am kind, considerate and bizarre.
I went to the Wicker Park festival, which might be the only festival I've been to and enjoyed. How could I not, it's 50% hipsters with trust funds, 50% beer, 50% parents who think it's okay to bring children there. This is especially frightening because, as a bystander, I feel safer touching someone's kid than their dog. And of course I saw someone wearing an iguana on their shoulder. Haven't you made enough superficial friends who would throw you off a bridge if it meant saving their record collection? Give the poor fella a break.
At some point I suggested to my friend that we go in the Camel tent because it was dressed up like an igloo so it must be cold in there! It was marginally cooler, but as soon as I walked in I noticed they had two snowbunny ladies to take pictures with! It was so hard to not engage the shit out of them and get arrested. Nothing mean, but definitely something perceived as harassment. They actually had to PRETEND to be cold. Just short of Oscar-worthy. They were giving away samples of some kind of cigarette gum...called SNUHS? Appetizing. Anyways when we were leaving they offered a Polaroid with the ladies and I think I said way too excitedly "FUCK YEAH I WANT A PICTURE." I leaned on the prettier one, I coulda been totally next to her boobs. I don't even think the other one was in the picture she seemed scared.
When we left the tent I said, "I think I'm a psychopath." Heather said, "You are."
Later I went to someone's house and these people passed by and we had an entire conversation with this couple and CATCH THIS, they had just skydived! Don't believe horrible black comedians, black people do skydive.
I think I accidently put a $10 in a tip jar tonight.
This is very poetic and funny to me. I've basically lived my life vicariously through TV and movies, in which this situation pops up with surprising regularity. I'm consistently yelling at some screen "oh my god, this doesn't happen! just get it back! big fucking deal!" But I realized about two seconds after it happened what I prolly just did. But there I sat like a chickenshit too chickenshit to do anything. Wow. TV is right again. Up until that point my mind boggled at me at how I spent $100 in two days. Now I know it's cuz since I'm ridiculous and dumb.
this writer's guild strike troubles me for so many reasons.
first, obviously, writer's are being duped because gigantic companies think they can capitalize on the fact that a new medium very quickly became profitable and wasn't previously addressed.
but...it's also sorta gross. are people like tina fey and sarah silverman marching the lines because they think it makes a huge difference or because photo-ops and cred or their writer friends will benefit? Wait...no effin duh big stars who are now too big to be writers make a difference.
My friend in LA went to a picket line SOLELY to network with other writers.
Yeah, maybe she's completely souless, but I find almost no dignity in their picketing so far. This strike will apparently last well into the spring. Will these "celebrity" writers be there then? I know exactly what they're asking for and it's very little and they deserve it. I DON'T think they're doing it for photo-ops...
do you HAVE to call the suicide hotline JUST if you're gonna kill yourself? can't i just be really sad and talk about how my fish sticks smell like pancakes?
I called him tonight and asked "what's up?". "Oh, nothing, Julia and a friend of hers came by the other night, we hung out. I toootally fucked another girl."
...."Oh! Haha I get it now, you didn't."
Then he asked what's up. "Ohh, nothing. I've been under my comforter afraid of the world."
..."Oh! You are, huh?"
"Yeah Elliott slept with me for as long as a cat can possibly be there. I think at adulthood it's somewhere around 18 hours."
Wow. Maxim has an "Unsexiest Women" list. That's the most misogynistic thing I've heard all week! It includes people like Madonna and Sandra Oh? That's the most unnecessarily mean thing I've heard just now. Admittedly haven't read the "article" at all but what could they possibly say that isn't ramblings of a completely gay dude waxing about how Madonna is "so over" and Sarah Jessica Parker is a "totally cold tight-ass", while going on and on about how the plot of Grey's Anatomy instead of Sandra Oh anyways? Seriously. How could Kate Walsh (also Grey's Anatomy, I don't even watch it!), and Sarah Silverman show up on a list for SEXIEST women if a gay guy wasn't holding a pen?
If you end gay rights you end the wacking off of a timid straight white male. And he's the one to decide all of our fates. Thus gay men decide if we live or die.
Unless a dude's man enough to buy Hustler I'd never fuck him anyways.
I'm gonna pull out my eyes and ears and nose and mouth and mash them up and slowly add them to some paper pulp and fry it up and make a textbook with it so you can open up your fancy college book and there's my face yelling at you: "STOP TALKING ABOUT BORING COLLEGE!" Then you die of a heart attack and I regret ever doing it. Sorry.
Wearing glasses when you don't need them? Lame or not? Cause they are soooo good lookin'. I'm gonna do it anyway...especially looking forward to looking like an old school nerd in these when I have dollars.
Hey I'm getting netflix next month. Tell me a MILLION movies I should see.
It's odd to try to drain yourself back into your old friendship pool...to find everyone as "busy" and disinterested as when you looked for people with more time and interest to fucking start with.
But sometimes it's even less complicated. You're back in the boring and shit place you were years ago and everyone's as boring and shit as where you left them. So thank god you'll have money to save to travel.
I just tried to write for the first time since starting this. It was fine for two seconds, but then I actually tried to think and the craving became so intense I HAD to stop. The first time I sincerely thought about getting a cigarette. I'm still in the beginning stages of withdrawl and everything, but if that doesn't stop in the next few days I don't know what I'm going to do. I need to write and I've always needed to constantly smoke while doing so in the past.
We'll see. It'll be fine. I already told my grandma whose going into surgery tomorrow that I quit! How can I quit quitting now?! She's not exactly a sweet little old lady but it's the same principal! In fact she's sorta a cunt but she IS in the hospital.
Oh, also me and TJ broke up. Which is almost exactly why I'm quitting smoking. It's way less affecting to go through withdrawls that have been compared to heroin than dealing with emotions. The physical is a snap! I remember when my mom had her stroke I coped with that crazy health yoga vegetarian thing. I usually cope with health. Physical health. Never mental. Cause that shit's tough, yo. If I was able to cope mentally I might be eating crystal meth pancake burritos right now.
I know that sounds like the opposite of what is right, but so am I.
Monogamy is for people to believe their lives will eventually be less complicated.
Religion is for people to believe their lives don't mean anything, so they should do less.
I have to go to a DUI class because I got drunk and drove a car. ADMITTED! I'm sorry for anybody who was hurt by a drunken driver, but I wasn't and would never. I wouldn't drive if I thought I couldn't (I got pulled over on an illegal left turn on superbowl night).
All of my instructors are puppets of a former addiction or traumatic incident. They take life-threatening experiences as "proof of god" or say "anyone who gets drunk is an alcoholic" (QUOTE!). It's infuriating. I've always seen these things on TV and laughed and wanted to explain life and science, which i barely know myself, to them. One of my teachers told a story where she almost died of bloodloss, had a halucination, and explained it as her proof of god. These classes endlessly explain how they're not trying to teach "THE LORD" or that you're an alcoholic, but they also don't care much for facts. I'm not going to tell this lady she didn't see jesus or some crazy bonkers blood-loss halucination didn't happen. But i WILL tell her what happens to someone, CHEMICALLY, NATURALLY, when they're about to die. A doctor could tell her, with no hypothesis, but they don't want to believe they're just as powerful as themselves and their body.
They want someone to save them.
It keeps the stupid away from life-threatening depression. They scrap-book. They volunteer to read to retarded kids. They teach drunk people to think their hard-working, pointless lives would be better without beer. Because they want busywork or saving other people to save them. Nothing saves anyone. And none of these people are careless and without thought. They're simply being punished by the government for a technical wrong-doing. Maybe right or wrong, I don't know, I'm not your GOD THAT TEACHES EVERYTHING (who were a few dozen writers who wanted to be "saved" themselves).
I'll pay too much money for punishment, I won't pay a cent for a savior.
Based on the content and obviously not performance, a friend offered me a spot in his sketch group. Pretty exciting as how I've never performed material that I'm proud of. I really respect the guy putting it together, a sort of borderline insane borderline genius. The greatest thing is being able to write something that will actually be seen. I haven't been this enthused since I had an established following for my comic books within my second grade class!
Things are still really hard, I STILL don't have any horrible job, but I really want to prove I'm not some dependant mess of a human. Next week I get a break from real life at my mom's for a while. Expect some drunken ramblings.
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